I’ve been wanting to write this post for weeks. I think I’ve been putting it off for a couple of reasons. One being that it’s not the typical happy-go-lucky post that I prefer, and it’s a little more personal. However, I think it’s time and I believe that it may be of encouragement to some of you.
The beginning of 2010 my husband (Steve) and I decided to have some tests done to see where we stood in the big, bad world of fertility. Some of the news wasn’t so good. One of the bigger obstacles we faced was that I had a low follicle count and endometriosis. Endometriosis is a horrible disorder that occurs when cells from the lining of the womb (uterus) grow in other areas of the body. Side effects can often be pain, irregular bleeding, and problems getting pregnant (aka infertility).
In March of 2010, my husband and I decided to pursue IVF. That journey started and ended with no success. In July of 2010 we started to pursue and pray about adoption. That adventure started with high hopes and ended after not having a perfect peace. In trying to keep this post from turning into a book, I would encourage you to read through these posts by clicking on the labels IVF Journey and Adoption Adventures. Just be sure to start at the bottom {smile}.
2010 was an incredibly difficult year for me, being a woman who only dreamed of one day being a mother. I never in a million years thought I might never hear a child call me mommy, have the opportunity to celebrate that first day of kindergarten or plan play dates at the park. Unfortunately, I’m facing those realities. I fight this silent battle called infertility every single day as I pray for the Lord to fill the desires of my heart or to give me a peace that passes all understanding, one that would erase my hurt and confusion. I lie in wait.
Facing Infertility and Embracing God’s Timing
Facing Infertility and Embracing God’s TimingA few weeks ago at church, they were doing a series on Prayer. At our church, they allow you to text questions during the service that they will try to answer at the end (I personally think that is very cool). “Why are some prayers answered and others are not?” was one of the questions. At first I thought, this poor man — that’s a tough question. Let me say that his answer was meticulous. He said that, yes, some prayers are answered and some are not. As a result, we may not receive an answer, but it doesn’t mean we won’t.
Pastor Mike said to look at the unanswered prayer as an interim time, God’s way of saying — not quite yet. It doesn’t mean your prayer will or will not be answered, but it’s not quite time for an answer. Sitting there, I started to cry. It was as though the Lord whispered those three words into my ears, not quite yet.
I know I’m not alone in facing infertility. More women/couples are having to consider their options and most of those options are costly. A number of factors played into our decision to not pursue additional medical treatments and/or adoption (again, feel free to read about these decisions at your convenience in previous posts). Those decisions were not easy. We followed our hearts, stayed true to ourselves and we continue to trust the Lord.
While driving home, I told my husband that Pastor Mike’s message was what I needed to hear, a gentle reminder while facing an unanswered prayer. It’s all in God’s hands, in His perfect timing.
I remain hopeful for a natural pregnancy. Since I don’t know if I will ever have an answer, I will remain faithful.
If you or someone you love is facing infertility, you’re not alone (they’re not alone). A lot of women remain quiet and private about this journey, which is completely understandable. It truly is an emotional roller coaster ride. I’ve been very open on my journey and, trust me, there are some days I wished I hadn’t been.
However, I believe if one thing has come out of this experience, it’s that my faith has grown. And as a result, I can encourage others along the way.
In Ecclesiastes, it says there is a time for everything, but right now the time is not quite yet.
Be sure to visit with me here too:
Facebook | Instagram | Pinterest | Twitter |Google+
Amanda says
Oh Kelly…what a post. Very courageous of you to write it…I'm praying for you…truly.
Lauren says
Hang in there, Kelly. Best wishes.
Meegan says
Bless your heart. I will be praying for you to feel peace and comfort. Thanks for sharing your heart with us.
Loves!
Witha says
Sending you my hugs & prayers Kelly…
fleurcottage says
Kelly, thank you for sharing your heart – I love how speaking brings empowerment! whether this particular prayer will be answered like we all will hope it will be, God so loves an honest heart! after experiencing a pregnancy outside of marriage in our family (which carries lots of another kind of pain!), a dear friend kept reminding me that it's God who gives life…i pray this for you as well! hugs…Esther
Anonymous says
Hi Sweet Kelly,
As I attended the women's Wave Conference in Virginia Beach this past weekend, I was shocked to see how many young women came to the alter call for prayer for infertility. I prayed for you. We will keep on praying and never give up with you on this "Long road around"…(the name of the sermon) by an amazing woman of God who spoke on this topic. We love you so much and we know you will receive your hearts desire 🙂
Lisa
Danni Baird @ Silo Hill Farm says
Kelly, my heart goes out to you. I was faced with infertility myself and finally decided God had a different plan for me. I became a foster parent and was able to help several children. Then along came two foster children (1 1/2 & 3 yrs. old) who ended up staying. After 4 long years our adoption was final and I love them both dearly. Almost 30 years later, I'm so glad I listened to God and found a different way to have and love children in my life. Whatever the plan, if it come's from God, you will be blessed. I'm praying for you.
Bonnie and Trish @ Uncommon says
Kelly,
I admire you so much for telling your story and for hearing God's voice above your own pain. I can't imagine your struggle, but am praying for you for peace and happiness while you wait. Sending many hugs your way!
Take care,
Trish
fromgentogen says
Kelly,my prayer for you is that you will deeply feel the love of our Father…Trust Him as He carries you on this journey…Hold tightly to the Promises He has given you…Your journey is yours…Know that you are not alone…Not only is He carrying you, others walk beside you!…Thank you for your boldness…He holds closely your precious tears…Blessings, Becky
How to Nest for Less says
Kelly, I love the way you can leave your heart out on the floor. You know I love you! And you're right. God has a plan for you and will unveil his plan, but just maybe not quite yet. Hang in there and remember I'm always praying for you. Thanks for sharing your courageous story. {hugs}
Erin Ledbetter says
What a beautiful post Kelly. As a chronic illness sufferer myself, I have sometimes questioned "unanswered prayers"…but, just as you stated so eloquently…"not quite yet" may be exactly what God is saying…there may be a greater good…just look at the people that you have and can touch with your story! This doesn't necessarily make the pain easier or road we travel lighter…but, we weren't always promised an easy road. I applaud you in your strength to post about your struggles…this is no small feat as you may help many. I think you have a great outlook, though…sweet prayers friend.
Amy @ Punk Princess Creations says
Oh, Kelly.. you made me cry. I'm continuing to pray for you & Steve. Love you!!
sara @ applestone drive says
Thank for you having the courage to post this with such honesty and clarity. Unanswered prayers and trusting in God's timing seem to be lessons we must face again and again during our time here on earth. I pray you will know His peace during these circumstances and trust He has purpose through it all. Romans 8:28-29.
Hannah says
Such a wonderful post. I have faith that you will be blessed with a child one day. I had a coworker who also suffers from endometriosis but after a fairly simple "cleaning"-type procedure she was able to conceive her first child as soon as the month came that she was healed and cleared to try. She requested the same procedure when the time came that she and her husband wanted a second child. I'm not sure what the procedure was, but it was originally prompted when she had a very large cyst (5cm!) was causing her terrible pain and basically her doctor went in through her belly button and cleaned everything out of her repro tract. He also advised that as soon as she was healed, now was the time to TTC.
I'm not saying that this is right for everyone or that you should do it, just that endometriosis can be beat and children can come even with it. I pray that you, too, will also be able to sneak past it and have your own child. Keep your faith strong and good luck continuing on this journey!
Karen At Home says
Hi Kelly, I am so very sorry to hear about your struggles with infertility. I struggled with infertility as well for three years. It was the worst time of my life. I never felt so sad, confused, and angry. After several tests and infertility treatments, it was discovered that I had endometriosis as well. I never had any endo symptoms, just infertility. My doctor performed a laproscopy where he surprisingly found endometrosis. He cleaned me out and I ended up getting pregnant with my daughter several months later using Follistim injections and IUI fertilization. I am now 38 weeks pregnant with my son, who by the grace of God, we conceived naturally. During our time of trying to conceive both children, we have lost a total of 5 babies. It was extremely devastating but we never gave up faith and hope as much as I wanted to. I sometimes look at my daughter in disbelief that she is even here after what we went through. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you get through this. Your time will come, I am certain of it!!!!
tricia says
Oh, sweetie … thank you for your honesty in this post. I'll be praying for you and for this season. Hugs.
Kari McHale Bakal says
Right there with you, Girl. Thanks for sharing. I so often hear others "success" stories, it is nice to share with someone who is waiting and praying. I have PCOS and we have tried IUI. We are still paying for it. The hormones cause painful cysts on my ovaries that pop causing horrible pain. Only birth control stops it. I have a special education class that I ask God why? So many of the mothers are pregnant for the 5 time in my class of 5-7 year olds. I wish I could take them home and give them the love and attention they need.
For now-hang in there. I am back on birth control and are not doing anything now. I just can't take the emotional and physical pain. Again, thanks for sharing. Sending hugs and love!
Kari McHale Bakal
Be Sweetly Inspired! says
Kelly,
I was able to become pregnant but miscarried 4 babies. Totally heart breaking. Now I have my son and this book(The Infertility Cure), Chinese herbs and an amazing acupuncturist made it possible. I urge you and anyone else who is having trouble conceiving to read this book and consider trying Chinese medicine. I had two other friends who were believed to be "infertile" who followed the book and went to an acupuncturist/herbologist and they are also mothers now. The book is called The Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis who is an M.D. as well as a licensed acupuncturist, the book addresses many of the common occurrences that lead to "infertility" and there are many supplements and dietary changes that are discussed and recommended. I was treated for 6 months before given the go to to start trying again. Different treatments have different time periods. It is worth a shot! When we plan our next child I will go the same route again.
Good luck and love to you!
Lauren D.
hey noni, noni says
Hi Kelly, I have two little girls ages 6 & 4 we decided to try for another one, and surprisingly we had a hard time, it was such an emotional frustrating experience. I went on a cleanse, the not so hard kind, took alot of pills, tinctures, juices, and finally got pregnant in Feb. I did this because there is alot of food in our diets that wreak havoc on our bodies and hormones and we dont even know it. This has also helped alot of people I know, also there are a few that say that wild yam was their answer. I have a feeling you will be a mother one day, dont give up. Let me know if you have any questions =)
Noni
Amanda says
Kelly,
I too am having fertility issues 🙁 It's the worst road to be on…It's hard to feel like anyone can relate yet so many women out there truly are going through what you are going through! It's so hard to see pregnant women, to see women with children, relatives with children, TV shows about pregnant teens, without thinking…why not me?! Your prayers will be answered! You will be a mother! I'll be thinking of you two and keeping your family in my prayers!
Jacy says
Kelly,
I'm in tears for you as I pray for the Lord to open up your womb and heal your body! I have a friend who tried for years to have a baby…she works at a daycare and it made the journey even harder…
BUT God soon answered her prayers!! He must have been testing her faithfulness and trust. She waited a long time, but she is now celebrating that her son is 11 months old!! He is gorgeous, and what's more, she is pregnant with her second child due in Sept.
Don't give up!! Rememeber the Lord opened Sarah's womb in the Old Testament (Gen. chapters 17-21) He has a great BIG plan and has not forgotten to include you in it <3
Praying continually, in Jesus Name!
~Jacy
Carolin says
This is amazing I will definitely get this prayer and put it somewhere. I have been living with my other half for an eternity and I think its time for us to have a baby; but it hasn't happened yet in 2 years. 🙁 Hopefully everything turns out good for you.
Carolin
http://www.tealHoney.com
DebbieDoesCreations says
Girl, we have way to much in common. My husband and I have been married for over 14 years. We were told we probably would never have kids. We were about to do IVF and 8 years, 8 VERY LONG years we were blessed with our first born. He is now in Kindergarten. April 2011 we found out we were pregnant with twins but unfortunately we lost them. We both looked at each other and said hey, we got pregnant again, we can do it again. And…we did! I too had endometriosis/PCOS but I've never had any problems once I had a pregnancy. I will pray feverishly for you. It all happens in HIS time…not ours, smile 🙂
Leslie says
My heart is breaking for you while reading this post. It’s so hard to see families who want children, but can’t have them. I watched a family member go through infertility for several years. They prayed; my parents prayed; and I prayed fervently; remembering the miracle of Elizabeth’s conception. My heart is with you – just remember you may get your prayer answered; but not in the way you expect.
Jelli says
Great perspective, Kelly. God knows the timing, and will change your heart's desires to match His own if you ask. Praying you receive exactly what you need.
Jennifer M. says
Oh I really hope you can become a mommy! God knows exactly what's going to happen in your future, don't worry!
I've always dreamed of being a mommy, too, but unfortunately haven't yet found my Mr. to marry. I know God has it all figured out in His timing, but it can be difficult to wait and trust. In the last few years, I've started feeling like God may be leading me to adopt, which I would definitely be okay with! I just try to keep trusting that God knows what's best for me and my future family.
Sharon says
Wow Kel, What an amazing blog! It takes alot to put situations such as yours out there in front of people BUT Yes I do beleive you are a being a Blessing to others!
Dad and I have and continue to pray everday and are hopeful that you will indeed have a natural birth! GOD IS ABLE! What your Pastor said was so true. We must never ever give up on the promises of God. Lord, you know the desire of Kelly's heart!
Paisley Print Shoes says
what an incredible story. way to stay faithful. i have a magnet on my fridge that says "God's timing is the best timing" to remind me that although i may think i want something now (like a HUSBAND) he has something way bigger and way better than i can ever imagine. i'll pray for encouragement and love for you and your husband during this time.
Kristy R says
How amazing you are to share your story! We did 6 full cycles of IVF adding everything you could into it…nothing came simple for us, BUT…today we have an amazing little 6 1/2 year old who is a true blessing!! I believe your time will come!!…God's waiting for just the right moment! Hugs!!
Erica {let why lead} says
What an incredibly painful but soulful journey. My heart goes out to you. Great pespective, though!
Miriam says
Wow. I'm a little late on this, but thank you for sharing. God's timing IS perfect, but it's so hard to wait patiently. We experienced infertility for a number of years also. We did eventually (and completely unexpectedly) get pregnant, but not until after we had adopted our son. We had not planned to adopt and he kindof sprang on us unexpectedly, but I realized later that if we had had our own baby first, we never would have considered adopting this boy who has been the biggest blessing in our lives and made me a mommy!
So thank you again for your candor. I am sure you are being a blessing to others right now as you share your heart and experience with other who need someone who can empathize.
Christina @ No. 29 Design says
I've read your story and know firsthand how difficult this journey is. I had my first child, Anna, 11 years ago. She only lived for two day. We found out she had a vascular problem when I was 7 months pregnant. She was born full term but needed emergency surgery once born. She did not make it through surgery and was put on a ventilator. She died in my arms. We struggled that year with her death as well as two miscarriages. Adoption was something I had always planned to do since I was a teenager. I couldn't handle any more loss, physically or emotionaly. We started the adoption process exactly 1 year to the day of our Anna's birth. We did domestic adoption and after a fall through we were blessed to become the parents of a newborn baby girl. We had one more miscarriage after our daughter and decided that we were done trying, we were meant to be a family through adoption. We adopted two more children, both boys. Our kids are now 9, 5 and 3. I wouldn't wish the death of a child on anyone, but it that hadn't happened, I would be a mom to the three I have now. Things definitely happen for a reason which isn't always known to us. Keep your mind open to every possibility! You have incredible strenght.
Daniela @frugal ain't cheap says
I believe God answers prayers, in one way or another. Count your blessing today, and DO NOT lose hope!
Amanda {at} Royal Daughter Designs says
I’m glad you linked up, Kelly. 🙂 This post is one of those that warms my heart but breaks it at the same time. {hugs}
Sara says
Heard of Pope Paul IV institute? It’s a fertility clinic, they look at things in a different way. There’s also a book by Dr Thomas Hilgers it’s on Amazon, where he shares his ideas
Caroline Ahmed says
My name is Caroline Ahmed from New York,After 6 years of marriage with no child i finally I got pregnant Glory to God almighty my Dear sister am writing to you to share with you what the Iya Hindi Has done, I said to myself that I will testify when the Hindi does this with herbal medicine ,I emailed you for a request of your pregnancy medicine last year after seeing the testimonies of other ladies on your website online I decided t put my faith and come in agreement with you.Your pregnancy medicine and You prayed for me we agreed for me to conceive, Hallelujah!! Yes I did conceive two months after and I am now 4 months pregnant Glory to the Almighty God. I know I will have a smooth and easy delivery soon.